18 Hours Flashback

-24
It’s Saturday morning and I’m awake. The work week is over and I’ve left all my preparation for the race until the morning before. First, food. Oatmeal seems right. Then to preparation. Bike maintenance: Check. Gear: Check. Wait, do I have everything I need? Crap, I need all my camping gear. It’s been sitting in a corner of the basement for about a decade. Yep, there’s the tent and sleeping bag – hope all the tent poles are still in that bag. Fire: Check. Forecast calls for near freezing temperatures tonight and a fire is a must. Double Crap, my ‘Great Ball of Fire’ backyard fire pit will never fit into the Swede. That thing is 3’ in diameter. I’m calling Kylan, he’s got an Explorer and that will definitely hold this thing. Ring Ring – No answer. Eff. Got to have my fire. Maybe if I disassemble the fire pit it will fit. Yes, that worked. Whew, I just blew like 50 calories doing that – I should have done all this the week before, but there was no time…

-21
I’m in the car headed to the race. Man, I’m hungry – oatmeal didn’t cut it. Off to Palani Drive to get a breakfast burrito, the one with eggs, sausage, and potatoes. And a coffee. Driving down Patterson, I’m rocking out to the Zounds, my new favorite punk band. Life is good – I’m really looking forward to this now.

-20
Camp is set up. Jason is here with Mason and a proper awesome pop up tent. We’re set up on the hill overlooking the start line. It’s perfect. Jim Fisher has been here since last Tuesday pre-riding. Steve Tolley is set up, ready to ride this thing solo, and legend has it that Jennie Belt will show up to race solo women’s. I can’t even fathom such efforts. Paul and Kylan show up and we decide on the rotation. First Kylan, then me, then Paul, then Francine (I’ve begged to be able to do a daylight lap, and that will be my only chance.) Maybe we should each do two laps? Minimize the hot to cold shock of it all. The Director Sportif says no.

-19
Pre race meeting. Man, why do they keep mentioning this one sponsor who does IT stuff? We need to get back to the base camp and get ready! Did he just say the course is a slopfest?


-18
Start gate: Kylan is at the line; Jennie, Steve, Mason, and Jim are there too. Ed Jones rolls out the prologue and they’re off. Back to camp to get ready for my lap.

-17
Geared up and ready to go at the start line. Kylan rocked out an awesome first lap – easily among the first 10 or 15 to get across. No sign of our competition yet, so we’re already doing well. Kylan passes me the baton, and I struggle to get it into my jersey pocket. What is this crazy Velcro crap on this thing – I can’t get it off my glove. Am I crashing? Yep, right at the start line, I’ve crashed trying to put the baton into my jersey pocket. No one can claim I’m sandbagging in Beginner class this year now after seeing this pedestrian display of racing. I get up, brush it off and I’m on the course racing! Yes, the trails are wet to say the least. The mud has the consistency of tile mastic. I’m already using granny just to power through some of this terrain. Deeper into the course, the trail dries up, and I maintain some good speed. As always, the mile makers are hurling motivational phrases at me that I know I will want to rip down later in the race. I pass the camp, dive into the last bit of singletrack, and finish my lap. 51 minutes – not bad!

-16
I’m steaming. I get back to the camp to rest and prep before my next lap, and I’m so covered with sweat, that as I stand in front of the camp fire, the sweat steams off me and my kit. Paul’s out on course, and now I’m trying to figure out the best way to recover the 900 calories that my computer just told me I left lying on the trail.

-15
What up Matt Juaneza! Did you totally just show up and bring us pizza? You the man! Paul’s back from his first lap – lungs are killing him from a chest cold he’s been nursing all week hoping to recover from. He’s hurting. Francine is out on course – first all night lap.

-14
Standings update – somehow we’ve lost the lead. Chris McMillan has done two pretty fast laps and we’re behind by 10 or so minutes. They’re doing double laps and we start to question our tactics. Going into the race, we feared his team would give us a serious challenge as he’s paired up with Donna Miller and some ASR folks. Morale starts to decline. We’re running out of firewood and are wondering if we shouldn’t just do a few laps, hang by the fire for the rest of the night, and drink a few beers. Yes, that would be good… shouldn’t we do that? Francine is back – Kylan rolls out. Time for me to get ready, I guess.

-13
First night lap. Hey look at that, I took the baton and didn’t crash. Course is still wet, but now it’s dark and I haven’t ridden a night ride since sometime last spring. Just like that, the first root gets me and I feel that familiar shwooop of losing traction and losing balance as the back end of the bike goes all over the trail. I recover without falling, but realize that this is going to be hard. I’m now looking for every root, every line. Where can I keep speed? I try desperately to crank hard on the fire roads and flats that I know are safe, but some sections are relentlessly dangerous with the roots. I get back to the start line and I’ve made it, but this time it took me 60 minutes. Man, that won’t be good enough.

-12
What up Joe Fish! Did you totally just show up and bring us pizza? You the man! Am I hallucinating? Nope, that’s Joe. He’s saying something about the fact that HoneyPlassman is going to have to race expert next season and he’s going to have to kick his ass. HoneyPlassman don’t care I think to myself…

-11
Paul’s back – Francine is out. I’m eating. Someone I don’t know is here by my fire and I’m worried that I won’t be able to reap the full benefit of its radiant heat if I have to share it. It is so cold, I’m certain I’m not going to do any more laps. Hell no. What’s the point, the other team has us, and we might as well get warm in our tents. Who is this person stealing my heat? I suspect enemy team tactics and repeatedly give him the stink eye.

-10
Francine is back, Kylan is out. I’m next. No, it can’t be me next. I eat a banana and play some Angry Birds with Paul. Someone says the temperature is in the 20’s. Well, that means I should put on everything I own for the next lap.

-9
I’m on course with WAY TOO MUCH clothing. I stop to take a bunch of it off. Whew. Actually I’m feeling pretty good all of a sudden. Fear of roots has subsided; I’m in the zone zooming down the singletrack. I’ve passed several people even. I pass the camp and yell ‘Where’s Paul?’ He’s not expecting me this early – I’ve had a good lap! I’m inspired to go even faster for the last half mile. At the start line, Paul is there to congratulate me. ‘Nice lap man!’

-8
Mid race results are up on the board. We’re winning! By 30 minutes even. Holy crap, we could win this. The knowledge is not enough though. I’m back to the camp and really start to feel the fatigue. I tell Kylan I’m going to lay down in my tent for awhile, which I do.

-5
My phone rings. It’s Paul. Go away Paul, I’m sleeping – sort of. Ok, Ok, it’s my lap next, fine. How did you get my number anyway? I’m up, into the cold wet kit, and ready. I’m at the starting line waiting. And waiting. And waiting. Everyone is suffering now – Paul tells me he can’t do another lap. He just can’t breathe. Something about me doing a double lap he says to me – I assume he’s either gone insane or just trying to bump up my mental game. Kylan comes in covered in sweat, and I’m on the course now for lap 4. Wow, am I ever suffering. On a new section of trail, I notice some lively decorations and a circa 1977 tape player booming out the beach boys on repeat; however, the battery is wearing out, and it’s so out of tune that I suddenly realize I must be in a David Lynch movie. I pass our camp and ride in to see what the plan is before I finish my lap. Paul is out – plan is to chill a bit and figure it out. Not good. I finish off the lap and check the score. We’re ahead by a lap and a few minutes, so we’re doing well, but if we drop the ball, it will be our race to lose. I head back to the camp to say as much.

-4
Our plan – Francine will go out in a few minutes, much to her dismay. She has to work tomorrow… I mean today! We’re sitting by the fire and someone jokes that we should just hang for an hour and go swipe the baton for a free lap since I’ve brought it back with me to the camp. I immediately start singing ‘Free-laps, don’t do it, when you want to go to it’ to the tune of Relax by Duran Duran. Kylan actually thinks this is funny. Somehow, Francine finds the motivation to go out again and does another amazing lap. I sit by the fire with my head bobbing in and out of sleep and eat one of Paul’s spicy meatballs. Nope, shouldn’t have done that.

-3
Kylans’ last lap – 5 for him. Sun starts to come up. Jason, Mason, and Jim wake up and come join the campfire. ‘Did you melt your helmet dude?’ Yeah, I was trying to dry it off. Are we ahead? Do I have to do another lap?

-2
Waiting for Kylan at the start line, people all over the camp are just waking up. I’ve not slept and I look at them not understanding what I’m seeing. Is that some dude’s mom in her house coat? Kylan shows up and I go for lap number 5. I’ve got nothing left. I stop at one obstacle, get off my bike and take a drink of water. I’m walking up the steepest hills. I see no one on the course and I’m wondering if I’ll even finish the lap before the time expires. I’m riding by our camp and no one is there...

-1
… but then I’m at the start line and the whole team is there waiting for me! We’ve won! We’ve destroyed them in fact. 17 laps to 15. Jason wants me to do a wheelie (but given my earlier start line antics, I decline.) The waves of euphoria come over me as it sinks in and I see how happy everyone else is. We never gave up and we won.

-0
I really have very little recollection of anything past this point. We’re at the post race breakfast and awards ceremony and I see that Jennie’s won solo women. She’s presented with a non ironical, non novelty check for $500 and is made to wear some sort of Bass Pro Shop looking camo baseball cap. That is awesome. Tolley takes second in his division. Mason takes first in Juniors! We’re on the stage next, shaking hands and nodding heads. The group breaks and somehow I actually drive myself home. That should not be allowed. I’m at home and sleep for something around 15 hours, wake up, and go to work. Where did my weekend go?